Update

About a month ago, Steve and I found out that we were expecting our first child. After our first doctor's appointment, we announced the exciting news to our families and then friends. Only 2 weeks after our first doctor's appointment, I scheduled a visit with my doctor because I thought I had a UTI and wanted to make sure it didn't turn into anything worse. The doctor checked me over and found that I had a just had a bladder infection.

Since I was there, and my next appointment wasn't scheduled for another 3 weeks, she wanted to check the heartbeat and make sure everything was okay. She said that she would first try with a little machine that she just pressed against my stomach but said it might still be too soon to hear it that way. She tried for a couple minutes but couldn't hear it. So, she brought in an ultrasound machine to take a better look. I knew instantly that it didn't look right. I have little to no knowledge or experience with ultrasounds but I guess you just know when something doesn't look right. The first ultrasound we had looked like a weird little bean, but a vibrant one. This time, it looked like what it now was, a ball of tissue. After several minutes of my doctor looking, measuring and analyzing, she told me that she couldn't find a heartbeat and that it was much smaller than it should be at this point. She started explaining miscarriages and next steps we needed to take.

My first feeling was "what did I do wrong to make this happen?" but the doctor let me know that these things just happen and I didn't do anything. I understand that these things happen for a reason and this just wasn't the right time for us. But that doesn't make it any easier.

Steve has been such a great support for me. He has taken the brunt of having to tell our families and has made sure that I have everything I need to make me as comfortable as possible. I also have some great co-workers, who have been very supportive and have been able to talk me through some tough decisions.

I am getting better every day and am ready to have this whole thing over with and to be able to move on to get things back to normal. I am writing this blog post so that I don't have to explain what happened over and over. We appreciate your prayers and thoughts for us in this difficult time.